Misery Loves Company! How to stay up while others try to bring you down.

In this episode, we get real about the energy people bring when they’re hurting and how easily it can spill over onto you. Not everyone clapping for you is genuinely happy, and not everyone criticizing you is actually right. Sometimes, people project their own insecurities, failures, and pain in an attempt to pull you into a space you’ve already outgrown.

We talk about what it looks like when others try to highlight your flaws, minimize your growth, or make you question your worth. More importantly, we break down how to stay grounded, protect your peace, and keep rising anyway. This is about recognizing the difference between constructive feedback and disguised negativity, setting boundaries without guilt, and choosing not to carry what was never yours.

If you’ve ever felt like someone was trying to dim your light, this conversation will remind you why you don’t have to shrink to make others comfortable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

I don't even know how you're hating outside the club. You can't even do that.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Misery, love, pump and meat. People who are really unhappy with themselves sometimes feel uncomfortable seeing someone else succeed, baby.

SPEAKER_07 0:14

Your progress reminds them of what they are not doing.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Okay. They try to discourage you. They try to pick out all your flaws.

SPEAKER_07 0:22

People want to see you succeed as long as you ain't doing better than them.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Someone's trying to take your place, says more about their insecurities than your ability.

SPEAKER_07 0:32

You want my spot flash? Well, you ain't gonna get it.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Ain't got it.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

Hey, hey, hey, welcome to the trigger happy opera where we take shots of the truth, straight with no chase.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

It's the hopes that do the most of the corner, darn these things. And get ready as we dive deep, laugh loud, and heck trigger, you can dive in.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

Buckle up, y'all, cause healing ain't always pretty, but it's always real.

SPEAKER_07 1:00

Hey y'all, it's your girl Darnisha, licensed mental health counselor, Mommy Up2. I like to give it to you straight with no chase, but sometimes I gotta give it to you with a little bit of sugar on the rim. But either way it goes y'all already know I'm gonna give it to y'all. 100-proof truth.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Hey, what's going on? I'm your boy Daquan. I'm here for all the weather, bringing you the wind, the sun, the rain, and the storm, baby. But mostly I like to just sprinkle a little sunshine to help you get through the day. And today's topic, we're getting into something that happens in the workplace, friendships, and even family. And baby, that is misery, loved company. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:41

Yes. And sometimes when people see you doing well, growing, stepping into opportunities, they don't always celebrate you. Sometimes they start competing with you. But before we get into it, we're gonna get into our lovely disclaimer. Remember, this is not a substitution for therapy. We are just a sounding board. If for any reason you feel the need to walk away from the episode, please feel free to do so. If you need professional help, please seek a mental health professional or contact 988 to speak with someone immediately. You can find a local therapist on psychology today or your local Google search.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

So, you know how we typically do it. We're gonna get into today's icebreaker. And which one should we do today?

SPEAKER_07 2:26

How about a win is a win? Where we just kind of identify our win for the week or the weekend or whatever, because we like to celebrate every type of victory around here, whether it's small, medium, or large. A win is a win. So, what was your win for the week?

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I will say a win for me would have to be going out with my sister to celebrate her birthday on Saturday. I was able to do one day because years 27. I can't hang with her.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Listen. 11 o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Baby, when I tell you, when I was at the little grease spot before going to the actual night spot, I'm in there yawning.

SPEAKER_07 3:12

After the show, it's the after party. Ain't no after party, Ben. Ain't no after party.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Listen, got there around like 8:30. 8:30, 9 o'clock. She didn't get there till almost like 11 something. And then we were, it was supposed to go to, it's called Allure or something like that. And that was around 12 o'clock. I said, listen, I was here for with you today. Gotcha. Okay. We did brunch.

SPEAKER_07 3:41

Don't be invited. Need to know three, four event extravaganza. Listen. And you probably can get two.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I'm gonna try to have an itinerary for my birthdays. I'm not gonna lie. So I'm trying to prepare myself now.

SPEAKER_07 3:55

That's okay if you got a nap in between time. This is the nap age, honey.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

I know. And I need to learn how to invest in napping because I think once I get comfortable, I'm not going out.

SPEAKER_07 4:06

But shout out to Stess. So I hear that she's in Aries. She had her her birthday was Saturday, so that would have been the fourth. And how do I know that? Because mine is exactly a week after that. And I'm in Aries. So shout out to all my Aries out there with y'all bossy sales, with y'all creative sales, with y'all sensitive sales. Oh, I see. What up, though?

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Hey.

SPEAKER_07 4:27

So my win, let me see. So, okay. My daughter was labeled nonverbal. I say that all the time. I like to say was labeled because the devil is a lie. And here lately on my weekends with her, I like to ask her what she wants to do to give her the chance to have autonomy and uh make her own decisions and things of that nature. And so I said, Denim, what do you want to do this weekend? And she said, party. So we had a little tea party, honey. And that is a win because a lot of children on the spectrum don't all don't necessarily know what pretend play is or how to pretend play for that matter. And so we were, I was pretending like I was pouring the tea in the teacup, and she was pretending like she was drinking it. She was feeding Big Bird and she was feeding Elmo. And I just that just melted my little heart. So that was my win. Because uh don't call my baby out. All right.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 5:20

And it's autism awareness month, too.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

It is.

SPEAKER_07 5:22

So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

She did that. I love that. Come on, Dana. You know, out here doing your big. Come on. I love that.

SPEAKER_07 5:31

So it was so cute. I was trying to teach her some etiquette. That ain't go over too well, but you know, she's gonna do what she wanna do. All right. So as the crime mentioned, today's topic is called Misery Loves Company. We are getting into people who secretly want your spot. They want your position. How about they even want your spouse?

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Girl style.

SPEAKER_07 5:51

And or they want your progress. And we're gonna get into how jealousy, insecurity, and misery can show up in all of those situations. But that's just one thing that I got to say. You want my spot flash? Well, you ain't gonna get it because you ain't got it.

SPEAKER_05 6:09

You ain't got it.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Baby, I can't wait to uh watch this back because I want to see my face.

SPEAKER_07 6:20

Oh, Jesus. Then you gonna get it because you ain't got it. Okay? Dang.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Did you add that in there?

SPEAKER_07 6:27

I did add that in there. Oh, and then I did add that in there. That come on, is that?

SPEAKER_00 6:34

That's oh my God. Back to time. Oh my god. So we're gonna get in straight into it. And let's start off with the phrase misery loves company, baby. Okay. What that really means is that people who are really unhappy with themselves sometimes feel uncomfortable seeing someone else succeed, baby. And why is that?

SPEAKER_07 7:05

Because your progress reminds them of what they are not doing. Okay. What they could be doing, right? And then your growth highlights their stagnation. They see you moving, but they standing still, and they can't handle that. They in they envy that. They're envious of that. And so instead of being inspired by what you're doing, some people try to pull you back down to where they are.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Yeah. And that's when the subtle stuff starts happening. Passive aggressive comments, backhanded compliments.

SPEAKER_05 7:37

You want your little job. You want your little promotion. You want your little business.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

I love business. Little business that you didn't get to, baby. The business that you wish you had. Okay. Undermining your work. When they want to try to come for your job and want to brush you over or try to play you right in your face, I see you. I see what you're doing. We see what each other. We see you.

SPEAKER_07 8:02

We see each other. Uh how about when they pretend to support you while secretly hoping that you feel that fake congratulations, that, oh, I'm so proud of you. You ever heard the phrase, people want to see you succeed as long as you ain't doing better than them. So it's okay for you to win, but you can't go further than me. Can't your trophy cannot be bigger than my trophy. Your success cannot be larger than my success. So it's not that they really want you to succeed, because if they did, a win is a win. Just like the little icebreaker we celebrated. A win is a win, a victory is a victory. So it should matter who whose is bigger. Celebrate each other. If if you're supposed to be my friend or a coworker or whoever, then that's when you're supposed to celebrate one another. Now, yeah, I know we like to get into personal examples and things like that. So have you ever felt somebody that was in close proximity to you secretly was envious of your position or who you were with or who just who you are in general?

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah, I do feel like there's one particular person that I deal with on a daily basis. Just because you do little things and you go run your mouth that's false about things that I'm supposed to be doing. Like, if I'm if I'm at work all day, by the time the next shift comes in, I've been already seeing multiple people. You know what I'm saying? To still constantly go first. Now, I already had a talking to, so I got myself together, you know, because some points where it's correct. So I started doing my job the way it needed to be do, done. Even going to the next shift and things like that. But when it's stuff going back to being eyed on and things like that, like why are you why what are you what are you trying to do? Like this one particular individual, one time when me and my my friend, we was walking out, because we worked together, and I call it my friend, because shout out to my girl Tina. You know, we we was going out and we both seen her just looking at us, like looking at me specifically. Going out the door. Now you asked somebody else to ask the question about trying to do something on your computer. Now, aren't you supposed to be paying attention to what's happening on a computer instead of focusing on where we are going? Specifically me.

SPEAKER_07 10:20

So you said pacifically or specifically.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

You got jokes.

SPEAKER_07 10:25

The S was silent. You know what I'm saying? The S was done for me.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Don't try to come for me, because it was cute for what you thought you did. You thought you ate, but you didn't, okay? But you didn't.

SPEAKER_07 10:37

I ain't.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

You thought. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 10:40

Specifically you. She was coming for specifically you. And then what happened? My bad.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

You know what? I got a mirror, and I'm just gonna reflect you back onto you. Okay, girl.

SPEAKER_07 10:52

So what do you think she was doing all that for? Watching you and stuff like that. Was she trying to take your position? Was she trying to get you in trouble? Well, what was the problem?

SPEAKER_00 11:00

It was more so trying to get me in trouble. There is no specific reason. Again, I don't know what I did to this individual. And again, my personality is big. I'm not gonna say it can be big, but I know it is big. I do have a rest and rest and be face all the time. But I'm mad, cool. I can make, I like to make people laugh. As you can see, we joke. We joke each other.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Oh, each other.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Okay. You know, when even when we first met, it was just we we connected instantly. So, and it could it could just be my personality itself. It could be, to some people, annoying. I'm not gonna lie. I I know I can be annoying. So I can take ownership of that. But that would be the only thing because again, I haven't done nothing to you. Again, what this the title is Misery Loves Company. So if I'm over here having a good time laughing with the new people that's coming in, I can make friends with who whoever.

SPEAKER_07 11:53

Yeah. I never really understood that. Like at especially in the workplace when somebody is just picking, trying to get you in trouble. Why is my personality affecting you so much? Some people are just, they might be jealous of your personality. Because me, I'm the type of person, I don't let nothing keep me down. So if I'm at work and I'm having a bad day or whatever, I'm still, I'm the same no matter what. And that's just me. I'm the same no matter you're gonna get the same version of me, whether I'm angry, sad, happy, mad, whatever. I don't, I'm not fake. I'm truly transparent. But for some people, they don't like that. And and that's okay. Now, let me let me think. I've actually had people that I've dealt with that I felt was silent haters. They, and I'm gonna say that because I have had, I've done so much. I'm I I'll just put it like that, as far as selling things, services, providing services. And you my friend or whatever, but you ain't shared not one of my posts to promote anything or you know what I'm saying? So sometimes, like I said, silent haters, because what's what's a post share? We got how many episodes in, and you haven't listened to not one episode. It might not be your cup of tea, that's fine, but dang, at least give us a like. You know what I'm saying? Something. But and sometimes it takes you a long time to realize who the silent haters are, and and that's okay too. But again, I guess that's me expecting me out of people. I'm gonna support. Even if I can't show up, I'm the person that's gonna buy the ticket to the event. Even if I can't be there, I'm gonna donate something or I'm gonna do X, Y, Z. But you know what? Everybody ain't like that.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

You know, better, baby. You know, you can't expect, you cannot expect people to do what you would do because then that's not fair to you nor them. Because you put that expectation on them, and then you just disappoint in yourself even more because you figure that they would do it because you know that you would do it.

SPEAKER_07 13:54

Right. Exactly. All right, so let's jump into this next part, which is when people start coming for yo, okay. Oh, not the job, not the J-O-B.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

You better lose your job. You can just dance. I'm just like I love that. All right, let's talk about the workplace for a minute because this is where it happens the most. You might be doing your job very well, very, very well. And suddenly someone starts watching your every move.

SPEAKER_07 14:29

Yeah. They start copying your work, they start taking credit for the things you did or trying to make you look incompetent. I do have something to say about that, especially being in the decorating field, right? We all get ideas from each other. And I have one person say she don't post her work because she got tired of people copying what she would do. I'm gonna post my stuff because somebody's gonna be inspired by me just like I was inspired by somebody else. Everything that's presented in front of us came from something. So I'm not afraid of somebody copying me or taking some of my ideas or anything like that. Put your own little twist on it. If I get an idea from Pinterest or if I get an idea from YouTube, I just put I throw my own little twist on it. This podcast idea, it had to come from somewhere. You just make it your own. And what's for you is for you. So I ain't worried about somebody coming and doing what I'm doing because they ain't gonna do it like me. They can't because they're not me. So that's just my that's just my whole mindset behind it. I don't think I ever had anybody come for my actual job though. I I've never felt that competition in the workplace where I felt like somebody was picking just to take my position because I'm in the therapist position, anyways. It's a burnout position. Ain't too many people. I mean, it's so many positions available. I mean, literally, I I applied for this job on, I'm just gonna say a day. It was like a Wednesday at 10 o'clock. By one o'clock, I was interviewing for the job. The same day.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

Yeah. The same same day.

SPEAKER_07 16:03

Okay. And was offered the job during the interview. Yeah. Where they was asking me, well, which team you want to be on? So I'm not worried about nobody coming for my job because I know it'll be another one real quick.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

That's why this boy right here needs to go ahead and get that license so I could be having those, you know what I'm saying, just move around and try having different options as well as well. Because certain things people don't need to be coming for your job for. Because one, as you stated, especially in the field that we in, it's a very burnout situation. You gotta come there and deal with not only patients but co-workers and the nuances about a job, the things that you can and can't do. You know, so you already have people against you. And then you just walk in and it's like you to have that extra piece when somebody is trying to just naturally just pick. Also, when it comes to the misery love company, and it is some, it's not even about the job itself. Half the time, it's it's about the status, it's about power, and it's about recognition.

SPEAKER_07 17:08

Yeah. Somebody always wanna be seen or wanna be known or wanna be recognized. I did this, I did that. I I don't care. I don't care. I don't care about being promoted. I do want to raise now. I wanna I wanna raise with the bare minimum added responsibilities. But I don't I don't wanna I don't wanna do all that. But yeah, so when somebody feels threatened by your presence, they may try to create competition that you never even asked for. Now you're trying to compete with me. Yeah. Why? Why am I such a threat to you? Why is that? Especially again in this field, it's money out here for everybody. Why am I a threat? Because I'm doing the same thing that you're doing. And I literally go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

No, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_07 17:58

I had somebody, I ain't talked to them since I passed my my licensure exam. We was both doing the same thing, same career, and I I passed my exam and they haven't talked to me since. I mean, literally. And in my mind, because this is how my mind worked, in my mind, I'm okay, I'm gonna create this opportunity, I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna bring them in, and I'm gonna try to help them pass their thing too. But in the meantime, here I am trying to think of a position to create for them because I know that they was still trying to get the licensure, but you you ain't even you ain't even hollered at me. I didn't even get a congratulations. You know what I'm saying? So again, those silent haters, the person that clapped for you, as long as you ain't doing better for them, that's exactly what that that that was for me. And sometimes that is hurtful. Not sometimes it is hurtful because you look gang. But I'm cheering for you. You know, when I started my social worker business, I brought everybody, I brought everybody in. My case management business, I brought everybody in. High, high pay rate. I'm because that's how I think. We all eat. But everybody don't operate like that.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

That's the sad part. You'll think that too, especially when it comes to black people as well. Sometimes we we for our people and sometimes we be against our people like know them all. And that's it's crazy. We should be lifting each other up instead of trying to tear each other down because we all in here together, trying to stride and make a living out here. So when you have somebody that's trying to compete with you or make competition with you and try to get you in trouble or stop talking to you, not knowing that maybe I'm about to try to get you up in here where we at, because if I win, we all went. And that's the type of mindset that I'm with you on. If I'm here, if you I'm rooting for you, just I'm I'm out here rooting for you. You may not be rooting for me, but I'm rooting for you trying to get you on. Because at the end of the day, again, I don't want to see none of my people struggle.

SPEAKER_07 20:00

But especially when we ain't ha we don't have to.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Not at all. Again, like you said, this is the big enough field for us to be out here heart-eating.

SPEAKER_06 20:09

But exactly.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

It's sad when you have somebody that's trying to come in and just destroy you while they just they want you to join them in their misery.

SPEAKER_07 20:20

Right. And I can't do that. I don't want to sit in my own misery. Okay, I'm gonna sit in yours.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Make that make sense.

SPEAKER_07 20:25

I'm not doing that. So what about knowing when somebody is secretly competing with you? What what are the signs of that? How do you know that?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Well, let's talk about the signs, right? First, they celebrate your mistakes more than your success. Baby, has anybody has anybody ever came up to you and out of all the success that you made, they want to put out put out that flaw that you did? Well, you know you didn't do that. You know you could have done that way better. Now, my dude, out of 10 things that went right and helped elevate this place, that one thing that you seen, that's what you want to celebrate?

SPEAKER_07 21:04

That's just like bringing home that report card with all A's and a B. Well, what you get the B in? You did you not see all the A's? We just gonna bite that? A, A, A, A, B, A, A, A, A. What's that B in? Well, you couldn't get an A. So you really just disregarded all the A's.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Okay. And it would be at 89.9.

SPEAKER_07 21:25

Right. It was borderline. But you want to highlight that. So that's a that's a hater. They celebrate your mistakes more than your successes. And then second, they constantly compare themselves to you. They compare themselves to the work that you're doing, to your achievement, to your opportunities. Remember, I we said before comparison is the thief of all joy. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Because for one, you don't know what that other person did to get to that, to that moment. Everybody wants the end result. Everybody wants to be the boss, but you don't The boss gets paid last. You don't know how many times the boss don't get paid at all. You don't know how many sleepless nights, how much anxiety comes from that. But you you wanna you wanna jump to the end resort and you wanna be in somebody else's shoes, you wanna be in a marriage, you wanna be in that relationship. You don't know what they was just arguing about before they posted that picture on Facebook. You have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Well they look happy and they smile.

SPEAKER_07 22:24

Look happy.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 22:25

Right. But you don't know what's going on behind that. You don't know how many times they've prayed or they've been to marriage council or whatever. You don't know what's going on. So stop being envious of what somebody else has. Is it natural? Because a lot of people they might feel like, well, I ain't jealous of nobody, but this is how you know when somebody else got something that you want. It is gonna be a little envy there. And it might not be intentional, but when somebody got something that you're aspiring to have or that you want, that relationship or that job or that status, it's a little envy there. But that don't mean you can't celebrate them for having it. All it means is it ain't your time yet. But when it's your time, you go shine.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

That rhyme.

SPEAKER_07 23:11

I ain't tell you. You know how done that. Well, yeah, when it's your time, you will shine. But in the meantime, in the interim, celebrate. I know that was back and back back to the back to be back. Celebrate those victories for other people. The joy is in the celebration. Y'all, y'all know what what God, God pay attention to everything. I'm just gonna say that. So if He can't expect for you to celebrate your neighbor blessing, what he gonna what he blessing you for? You can't even celebrate your neighbor.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

I mean, they can't celebrate because it's not them. You know, it gotta be all about me, me, me, me, me, me. Pick me. Come on, my pick me.

SPEAKER_04 23:57

It's all about me, me, me.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

We better be on there.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

You, you, you, you, you.

SPEAKER_07 24:04

All right. So that was two. We got celebrate, they celebrate your mistakes, morning your successes. They constantly compare themselves to you. Then what's the next one?

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Third, they spread doubt about your abilities. They might say one thing like, I don't think they are ready for that. Or let's see how long that lasts. Baby.

SPEAKER_07 24:28

That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

I ain't gonna lie. I have some.

SPEAKER_07 24:33

Let's see how long that lasts.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Right. But that'd be sometimes a perspective of what somebody had put in place. And I'm gonna say, well, okay, girl, we're gonna see how long that lasts. Yeah, I give it about three weeks.

SPEAKER_07 24:46

Yeah, but you keep that to yourself and you might feel like that. People probably feel like that about me, because I'm always doing something. I always got something going on. But guess what? I don't care. Because this is this is what I do know about Darnisha. My ADHD might be all over the place at times, but guess what? If I say I'm gonna do something, I can get done. And I do it until I don't want to do it no more. You know what I'm saying? Do it until I don't want to do it anymore. But I get it done.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

And that's all that matters. I get it done, and I said I did it. And I said when I said what I said, I'm gonna do what I said I'm gonna do. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 25:23

Mm-hmm. What you said. All the sets and all the do's. That's what gets done. So I listen, if I say I'm gonna build a sock house, I'm going to build a sock house. And it's gonna be the best stock house. I'm just saying, I that's the only example I could come up with. That's the best I can do in the moment. Okay, accept me, flaws and all.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Okay, I just wanted to know how you was gonna do it. I was like, ooh, I want to know. I'm interested.

SPEAKER_07 25:52

A sock house, that don't even make sense, dude. But it made sense when I was saying it in my head.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Yeah. It should have just stayed in your head.

SPEAKER_07 26:02

See, silent hater. No, he ain't even a silent hater. He hates out loud.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Baby, I'll let you know up front. Baby, let me know how you get that done, because then I'm gonna try to do.

SPEAKER_07 26:11

I don't even know how you hating outside the club. You can't even get in.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Baby, I don't want to go in that side club anyway. That thing fall down.

SPEAKER_07 26:20

Anyways, sometimes though, the biggest sign is they study you more than they support you.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Say that again.

SPEAKER_07 26:28

They study you more than they support you. And I'm gonna say this: don't study me for too long because you will never pass that test. Never. I'm constantly switching it up. You are you know the test when they got the A exam, then they got the B test, then they got the C test. It's the same material, but the questions are ordered differently. So you can't copy A, because I'm I might just be doing B tests next. Or I might just be doing so. You can study me all you want to, but you'll never be able to figure me out, baby. So don't study me too long.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Let them know, girl, they can't study.

SPEAKER_07 27:03

Mm-mm. Not at all.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Come on, baby.

SPEAKER_07 27:06

But yes, people will study you more than they will support you. And you have to be able to decipher who's doing what.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Mm-hmm. And that is true because I just hate the silent hater that want to study you so bad. That wanna be you so bad, girl. Why they want to be us.

SPEAKER_07 27:25

Or they be, or they hold on, they follow you on social media, but they don't interact with none of your they make a they make a fake page. Just to watch.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Just to watch.

SPEAKER_07 27:37

You don't like me, but you still want to see what I got going on. Why? You don't like me though?

SPEAKER_00 27:41

You know how many exits that told me? But yeah, you know I made another page just to be on.

SPEAKER_07 27:46

Dang stalker. That I wouldn't even admit that to nobody.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

I mean, look at the material, baby.

SPEAKER_07 27:51

I mean, come on now. You better let Straw J girl. Straw Jay girl.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Look at the material, girl, baby. With the beard or go to your neck, grah. It's still pull up, grah.

SPEAKER_07 28:01

You know what I'm saying? All right. We be all over the place. We know. We're gonna teach y'all how to protect yourself in in moments like this, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:10

So the first thing you gotta do is So what you gotta do when somebody is coming for your job and trying to compete with you, first, stay focused on your work. Don't ever let them see you sweat. Go ahead and get it completed. Like you know you're gonna get it completed. And don't let their behavior distract you from your goals. Because no matter what they try to do, they try to discourage you, they try to pick out all your flaws or even do whatever. Keep the eyes on a prize and know that your end game is not wherever you want where you're at right now. Don't be distracted by somebody that hates.

SPEAKER_07 28:44

Right. And then learn how to set boundaries too. You don't have to share every idea or plan with people around you. Some stuff keep to yourself. Not some most stuff. Most stuff keep to yourself because people will talk you out of your dreams. Or they'll go and tell your dream to somebody else, or they'll go and try to do it better than you. So you set set boundaries with that. You don't have to share everything with everybody.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Or maybe. Or they'll try to pray against what you got, uh what you try to get going on.

SPEAKER_06 29:13

I don't understand that. That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

That that is crazy work, but there is some crazy people that a hater and they don't care about nothing. You know? And the third thing is this to remember this.

SPEAKER_07 29:30

That's the same word. You don't get credit for rhyming the same word. There's no creativity in that.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Baby, you could have left me with that one.

SPEAKER_07 29:40

Like if you would have said pet, like if it was two different meanings, if you would have been like, yeah, I ate me a pair and I had two pears. You know, that that that's a little different because it's two different ones. But you said the third thing is this, and then remember this. No, you don't get no credit for that. No.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

Baby, we gotta hate it anyway. So always remember. So remember who's she getting on my and third, remember this. Someone's trying to get it out.

SPEAKER_07 30:09

Soo young.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

What?

SPEAKER_07 30:10

Soo young from Rush Hour. I don't know why Soo Young just popped up. You know how we be having these intrusive thoughts and they just be taking over.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 30:20

It is Autism Awareness Month. Yes, they do. Just so y'all know.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Baby isn't overdrive, right now.

SPEAKER_07 30:28

My ADHD is showing, baby.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Mine is too. Shut up. Oh, and third, remember this. Someone's trying to take your place. Someone's trying to take your place, say it says more about their insecurities than your abilities. And baby, that is the truth. Your abilities will always shine. And they're just, people always, they're always insecure, and they are always the biggest hater. And it's why they always pick out your biggest flaw or the flaw that you have. Because of their insecurity, knowing that, well, sometimes they could be probably in their mindset, like, well, I could have been doing this. I do this, that, and that. So why they get acknowledged for something that we do on a day-to-day basis? Well, maybe maybe it's because how they did it and how effective it was, or the techniques that they did. Who knows?

SPEAKER_07 31:19

Yeah, and that could be true. Like somebody could be more talented than you. Somebody could have been at the job longer than you were. Somebody could be in a better situation. Let's just say relationships. Because I ain't gonna lie, I've I've seen situations like before I had got married, you know, dang, this person done had two, three husbands. I ain't even got one. You do be thinking like that. What's wrong with me? Like, how come this person able to, whatever, whatever. And you be looking too. And then sometimes, now, Daquine, now you know this true. You look up and be like, nah, how he get a hood. Because when them, hey, them conjoined twins, when they came out married, me and my best friend Stephanie, we text each other like, now I know. Now you know, now I know. Now you know. Because you be thinking, you be like, the can conjoin twin got married before me.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Now let's think about it. Let's think about it now.

SPEAKER_07 32:16

I'm thinking now. I still feel how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

You still feel even after the marriage you went through?

SPEAKER_07 32:21

So, okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

I'm just asking because did you not want to take that back after you?

SPEAKER_07 32:28

I'm just saying, you know, that's how I felt. That's how I felt. You do be, I'm I'm just being real though. Y'all know the audience, y'all know y'all didn't seen somebody in a situation. You was like, now how they do that? Now how you get that promotion? How you how you do that? You know, I'm wondering. Things that make you go, hmm.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

We are so on point.

SPEAKER_07 32:50

I mean, we were just being honest. Okay, so just to give a recap, we talked about why misery loves company. Why do it? Why, why do misery love company? People love to bring you down to the level that they are on. They could be envious, they can want what you have, whether that's your job, whether that's your financial status, whether that's your spouse, whether whatever it is. It might be a personality that they that they're envious of, but you do not have to allow them to bring you down to their level. Then we talked about what you can do when people start to come for you, especially at work, when they start copying your work and taking credit for the things that you did. And then when they start trying to compete with you and feel threatened by your presence, you don't, you don't have to, you don't even have to acknowledge that. Because again, what's for you is for you. And if you're doing what you're supposed to do at work, you ain't gotta worry about nobody trying to come and take your spot.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

And that's that's fact. As speaking as competing with you, we also talked about signs when somebody is actually competing with you. First, they celebrate your mistakes. Second, they constantly compare themselves to you. And third, they spread doubt about your abilities. When individuals want to pick out your flaws and not celebrate the wins for you, that also highlights that they are trying to compete with you and that also highlights their insecurity. And then we also talk about how to protect yourself, right? First, you got to stay focused on your work. No matter what they try to do to come and distract you, try to talk bad about you, or even copy and envying you, or just pick out your biggest flaws. Second, you have to set those boundaries. That goes for just in general in life, either at work, at home, with friends, setting boundaries is the best thing that's going to protect you and keep your peace and help you stay focused. And third, always remember this, right? Someone that's trying to take your place says more about their insecurities than your abilities. Your abilities will outshine their insecurities, and you will see their insecurities a mile away.

SPEAKER_07 34:56

All right, y'all. So thank y'all for tuning in. And as always, we got the QA segment coming up, and let's go.

SPEAKER_04 35:11

It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA.

SPEAKER_07 35:20

All right, Zaquine. What is today's QA question?

SPEAKER_00 35:25

All right, so today's question comes from Takia from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hey Kiki.

SPEAKER_07 35:31

What up, Michigan?

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Hey.

SPEAKER_07 35:33

What you call her?

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Kiki.

SPEAKER_07 35:35

Kiki.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

That's that's accessible. That's okay.

SPEAKER_07 35:39

Sure. Okay. Kiki. Hey, Kiki. That's a new one. We ain't never called her that.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

It's because that's a new one.

SPEAKER_07 35:45

Takia, Kiki. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

You see what I did there?

SPEAKER_07 35:49

I see what you did there.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Kiki. Do you love me? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. She wants to know why isn't marriage a goal for today's society? Wow. Wow. Wow. That's a big one. You want to go first? As you know, you being an expert and all about being married.

SPEAKER_07 36:12

I ain't nobody no expert. Okay. So prior to getting married, I felt like I was missing out on something because I was getting older. I was becoming of age. I was uh 35. And at a certain age, as a woman, you feel like I'm supposed to be married at this age, and this is what my life is supposed to look like. So, and I in that in that moment, I felt like I was ready to be a wife. I was ready to be domesticated. I was ready to do all these things. And then once I got into it, I'm oh, I gotta compromise. I gotta do things when I don't feel like doing it. I gotta talk when I don't feel like talking. I mean, it it was it was a lot, right? And so you just don't be ready. You do you don't be ready for all that and no? But marriage is a beautiful thing. I'm not gonna lie about that because I love the partnership behind it. I love the fact when I wasn't available to go to my son's band recitals, I would just be like, babe, I need you to. And it wasn't no back and forth exchange. It was okay. We just filled in when the other person couldn't. And that's what I loved about it. I love the partnership. I love the fellowshipping with my husband. I loved all those things. I love making sure his work uniforms was ready for the week. I loved making sure the house was tight. I feel like when I'm in a relationship, I'm way more domesticated. But nowadays, I'll put it to you like this. If we go back to the old, old, older days where the man was the provider and he went out and he did all the work and then the wife stayed home, took care of the kids, took care of the house and all that. That that was cool. Nowadays, both people working, right? I gotta work just as hard as you. Or we both working full-time jobs, and I still gotta come home, I still gotta cook, I still gotta clean, I still gotta take care of the kids, and I still gotta have sex with you. That don't sound like an even exchange. That don't sound fun. So I'm just speaking for myself. I can do this by myself and not have to worry about the extracurricular stuff behind it because men have men cycles.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

We do we have myriads. We have millions.

SPEAKER_07 38:30

Y'all have myriads. Y'all have myriads. And it's like continuously stroking somebody's ego. I'm a therapist.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

I be on easy ego.

SPEAKER_07 38:40

Yeah, I don't why do I have to constantly stroke your ego to make you feel big and bad? And then when you're dealing with somebody that is a go-getter, hence me. If you ain't got it in you, you ain't got it in you. And I can't force that on you, and I can't make you have the drive that I have, but I'm not gonna water myself down because you don't have the drive that I have. Now, this is the thing. I've never had a man come into my life and say, Hey, Darmisha, you know what? I got it. Don't even worry about it. Your money is your money, I'll take care of this, I'll take care of that. Because then I might stip my ass down. But until that happens, I'm gonna do what I gotta do. So it's easier to just not be married. I don't mind if I get married again, I wouldn't even mind living in two different houses.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Cause I've heard that a lot.

SPEAKER_07 39:30

I I just I I be needing my space, I'm be needing my time, and it's just certain things I don't want to deal with. But marriage, just to all right, so to put it in lamest terms, marriage doesn't have that pretty bow wrapped around it. The pros don't outweigh the cons to me. That's just my opinion. I'm not saying I'm opposed to it, and maybe I just haven't met the proper individual to give me a different perspective. But saying everything that I see with marriages, it just don't look that appealing to me.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Well, that was said.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

Very, very nice. I like. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

So I've been married before, as we have discussed many times before. And I do love the the partnership. I miss the partnership, having your significant other to come home to, to split up the bills, going out on dates and doing the thing. But I don't know, it also comes like, I'm with you, I need my space too. I do like to be uh underneath my people who I'm with, dealing with, but then I also like my space because after a while I'm gonna be like, all right, all right, I need to go. But when it comes with, and this is just speaking for me, when it comes with you constantly going home, y'all arguing about little little things, it it gets annoying. And then I'm dealing with, I'm I'm working at a call center, so I'm dealing with people on the phone, the attitude. So when I get off, I don't really want to smoke. I don't want to have to talk, I don't want to have to do anything. And so it does get repetitive. I tell people all the time now, I I I did the American Dream, married, we was in a in a we were building at one point. We was building a townhouse at one point. So I was like, oh, we was about to have a white ticket fence and all that. Thank God it didn't go through. So I thank God that that happened because maybe I don't know what in legal litigations we would have to go through for that house or whatever, whatever. But you know, sometimes you don't have to worry about dealing with stress when you don't want to get married no more. Because marriage is also, yes, it's a it can be a loving thing, but it also takes work. These people is not out here married for 40 or 30, 40, you know, 20 on up years for nothing because they put in the work. There's a lot of work to it. And I think today's society, we want everything instant and we don't want to sit there and work for it. We don't want to have to compromise. We don't want to have to do all those things because sometimes we don't want to submit. And so if you get married, that means somebody's gonna have to submit. You know, even if you are a hardworking woman, man, or whatever, when it comes to being in a relationship, y'all are gonna have to compromise with the other person because not everything is gonna be a hundred percent. And again, when people don't want to put in the work, they don't want to put in the sacrifice, if something goes wrong, they easily throw up their hands like, well, I'm good because I see a red flag. But if you go to therapy and you can try to get some tools or try to work out some situations in a relationship, that's putting in work. If both parties are willing to put it in work and to compromise and to work on accepting each other, apologizing to each other, and uh learning how to forgive each other. The person has to put in the work to figure to earn the forgiveness, but the other person also has to put in the work to accept that the person is trying their best to try to work on. And it's gonna be times where y'all gonna want to throw them both. But y'all are gonna have to learn how to openly, effectively communicate. A lot of us don't know how to communicate effectively, and some of us don't know how to create a safe space for that individual to be able to be able to communicate effectively. You can agree to disagree, but again, all that's taken in work. And again, in today's society, we want everything instant.

SPEAKER_06 43:29

Yeah. And one of the things I heard you say is we've mentioned this before about people just want this instant gratification.

SPEAKER_07 43:37

And then as soon as something does not work, they're willing to walk away. And I think also with social media and with online dating, that makes relationships and the goal of marriage ten times worse. Because if I meet this person and they trigger me or I see a red flag, oh, I'm I'm done with you instantaneously. Now I'm on Twitter. The next person. And it's like, why do I got to sit here and put up with your stuff when I know within a matter of an hour I can have somebody else of interest in my inbox that I can link up with? And I think that has thrown a huge monkey wrench into the dating pool and the desire for marriage. But again, people have been married for multiple years. And that is a beautiful thing. Marriage is a beautiful thing. And for some people, that is the ultimate goal. Some people still they want to be married. And we applaud you for that. And then you have some people that prefer to be single, and that's okay too, whatever your preference is. But if you decide to go the marriage route, just know it's going to take some effort. And you can't always quit at the sign of discord. I do highly recommend premarital counseling. That's something that I didn't do.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_07 44:53

And during premarital counseling, that's when y'all have those difficult conversations about finances, about children, how are we going to raise the kids, about where we're going to live at, all of that. Like you get a credit, all of that, spending habits. Because sometimes you get into a relationship with somebody and you like, oh, dang, they y'all, y'all about to get evicted, and you didn't give them your portion of the rent money and they didn't spend it. And you ain't even know. So these are tough conversations that need to be had before jumping into a relationship. But thank you, Takia, for that question. That was a good question.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

What? I mean, go into my noggin.

SPEAKER_07 45:34

That noggin's shining, though. It is just shining. But we're gonna get into our affirmation and action of the day. Daquan, what is our affirmation of the day?

SPEAKER_00 45:46

All right, today's affirmation is my success does not threaten others, and others' insecurities does not define my work.

SPEAKER_06 46:05

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Because, baby, just because you're insecure doesn't mean that you define my worth. Today's action of today, protect your energy.

SPEAKER_07 46:23

Energy vampires. Get away. We rebuke you. We don't need no energy vampires. No. All right? So we was all over the place today. I think we probably was just all over the place today. But hey, this is us. This is us.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

It got no sense at all.

SPEAKER_07 46:44

Take us or leave us. Take us or leave. You have a choice.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Hmm. And do. Oh, also, on a side note, people, pay attention to who generally supports you and who only shows up when things aren't going well.

SPEAKER_07 47:00

Mm-hmm. All right, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 47:02

Bye. And that's a wrap for this round of Trick A Happy Hour, where we take shots of the truth with no chaser. Just raw conversations where the shots are sharp and it takes a sharper. And nothing gets off the table. If you like what you heard, hit that follow button, leave a review, and tell someone who can handle the heat. Pull up a bar stood next week for more real talk. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Until then, stay bold, stay loud, and don't water it down.

SPEAKER_02 47:31

Cheers.